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Jew jokes

Collection of maybe the funnies Jew jokes in internet.

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery

A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery

The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.

He says to the Jew, “See how good I am? The owner didn’t see a thing.” The Jew says to the Arab, “That’s typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”

He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.”

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, “So what did you do with the pastries?”

The Jew replies, “Look in the Arab’s back pocket…..”

Old jew says to his wife

On his death bed, an old jew says to his wife :

Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no? – Sure I was, Moshe.

When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again, no? – I was, Moshe.

And now you’re at my death bed, aren’t you? – I am, darling.

I’m starting to think you’re bad luck, Sarah.

Two Jewish guys

Two Jewish guys are walking when one notices a sign on a Catholic church that says “Convert to Christianity, and we’ll give you $100.”

The one says to the other, “should we do it??” The other says “NO!! Are you crazy?” The first guy replies “Hey, a hundred dollars is a hundred dollars… I’m gonna do it.” So he walks in to the church, and little while later, he walks back out. The friend says “well, did you get the money?” He replies “Oh that’s all you people think about, isn’t it??”

Rabbi joke

A priest sits down next to a rabbi at a park. He asks. ‘so what’s the cost of circumcision these days?’ To which the rabbi replies.’ I wouldn’t know. I just keep the tips!’